


//*Rainy Days*\\

by demonicgremlinboi



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Dark, Free Form Poetry, Free style, Gen, Morbid, Pain, Poetry, Realistic, Sad Stories, Sad life, sad poems, vent - Freeform, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:56:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicgremlinboi/pseuds/demonicgremlinboi
Summary: Without many people for comfort, he finds a way to express how he's feeling in this hell hole. Will This newfound passion help or is it just another trick that fades with time.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. //*Complicated*\\

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty dark and not for those looking for happy poetry; really it's just vents and angst about my emotions and sometimes stories I come up with.
> 
> TW: Talk of self-harm/hate, explicit language (Please tell me if I should add more)

I am nothing 

I am worthless

I am ugly

I am a burden

I am stupid

I am a faggot

I am a nobody, someone you'll forget within one fucking day

I am stupidly anxious

I am depressed even though my life is "perfect"

I get good grades have friends and a "non-broken" family

They say I'm loved, pretty, cute, Daddy's "princess", and many other stupid things that I'm supposed to believe

But I don't it's all fake

There's always a new family drama

My grandparents on my moms' side don't support me

My friends are either fake, backstabbers, or hang out with me out of pity

I always do something wrong and fuck it up

I am a disappointment

To add to that maybe self-harm

Medication so I don't hate my self too much or have multiple panic attacks

And have been bullied all my life yet no one but a handful of friends believe me

This life is so fucking complicated

I hate it but I have to live it.


	2. //*What Erupts*\\

You look me in the eyes

while telling me lies

so I believe they are true, how could I be such a fool?

You'll act so hardcore 

while I here waiting alone

why I'd rather be dead 

then filled with dread, from all my lonely nights and the continuous fights, 

the reappearing drama in which 

I am held fucking captive locked away and hidden. 

So dear reader can you save me from the hate they give

before it all erupts and I crash?

Can you be the new friends which I need?

Or will you spit in my face?

to walk away laughing?

Will I be put another six-feet under

after it all erupts and I'm left broken and half-alive

only halfway there till my coming death?


	3. //*Time on the line*\\

Life has been thrown away, Will I live to see another day

I am the broken, the unspoken, and forgotten

The clock ticks as time passes

TikTok TikTok

I am on that clock, on the second hand waiting for my time

I wish I could speed it up and say goodbye 

this is my wish and I have no idea as to why

I'll never be free from the ticking clock

goodbye.


	4. //*Trapped*\\

I am trapped in this empty space where my feelings swarm and attack,

in that, I fall deeper and deeper as my thoughts progress

I wonder why I cannot feel whole, where I break; tiny pieces fall off

I'm the glitch in this matrix I need to be taken away, it's the only way.

Sometimes I believe I should die 

but alas I push that thought aside

I choose to hide instead in hopes of escape from this life.


	5. //*Questions*\\

why am I here?

why can't I disappear?

where can I cry?

where can I go to hide?

who are the ones who care?

when will I see what is there?

why am I like this?

why are my feelings this dark?

where are my friends?

when will this end?

where can I die?

when can I say goodbye?

why aren't I strong?

where do I belong?

what can I say?

where do I find hope?

how can I cope?

there is no use crying anymore about this pain that doesn't end.


	6. //*Special places*\\

I am afraid, always frightened, and anxious that I'll only be seen as what people see me as what I am not.

With all that fear I push down the thoughts, fears, feelings, and pain.

I try to be the people you have seen on tv

but I'm anything but,

they are imposters who can fake a smile and act like anything but themselves.

I can't free myself from this, 

somedays I think I deserve it, that I'll never be good enough and I need to be what is wanted of me or I'll never be liked.

That I'll be rejected, abandoned, used, and tricked once again.

I'm the extra that no one cares about.

so when I'm alone and won't pick up the phone and you tell me why I should try

I'll nod and agree while in reality, the voices say 

"YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE, SO HANG UP THE PHONE"

you might think I want to die and I'll be true in telling you that I do but I cannot die for the fact I need to continue and I have others I don't want to hurt.

so I'll never attempt or dare to.

but that's what you want, right?

for me to live and continue on.

well, when my time does come I won't be scared because there is nothing after and I will finally be free.


	7. //*when it comes down to it*\\

Calm is feeling numb, in which feelings don't appear.

It's a peaceful place of mind that most love, but for us is a relief.

When there's no calm there's stress, anxiety, and self-hatred we aren't able to fight.

When it comes down to it we're fragile and meant to be broken but when we show our scares some frown upon it saying we should just smile and be happy. 

so we hide our pain because we don't want those close leaving.

We take drugs to feel good but it only works for some time before we need more,

so we're all dead inside.

We aren't "fixable" we are just able to cope and get high and drunk to escape our minds.

We cut, bruise, burn, scratch to feel something and for relief or because we believe we deserve the pain.

we write, paint, draw, sketch, watch, listen, sing, and read to escape it all.

when it comes down to it we are just the cobweb in the corner of the room that was abandoned by the spider who once lived there. 

that spider is our happy feelings and we one thing in common with that cobweb.

its that neither of us will be missed and dusted away with time.


	8. //* Suffocating*\\

Trying

I'm always trying

I do what people want me to do

I am what people want me to be

I'm quiet and don't talk to you 

I run and fight at the same time

I can't let go

so if it starts coming down just let me drown

I can't get out of bed 

I'm up late but I sleep in

I do my best but it isn't enough

I question when I will be

I am hurt but numb

the voices want me dead

callouses on my fingers from typing all day and lately I've been a fucking mess

I'm attached and can't let go

no one has time for me

and it's suffocating to live like this

I'm depressed 

writing like Robbie from gravity falls 

like romeos' monologues 

I don't care anymore so I might as well accept the truth

that I am the broken thing forever

I just want to drown

be forgotten

left for the dust 

finally alone 

and free


End file.
